The AKA Endorsement

My fellow Americans,

The United States is in crisis. The economy is melting down. Our military is at war on two fronts. Americans approach this election in understandable fear and anger, especially at the incumbent Republican president who, however unjustly, bears the brunt of the blame for the crisis.

But in this time of great anxiety, the American people need a leader of experience guiding the ship of state. Detective John McClane offers the muscle, bravado and wisecracking one-liners that Americans demand, as well as an innovative ability to use found materials and his immediate environment to fashion deadly weapons and improvise maneuvers of defense and escape.

McClane is a fighter, an agent of change, and a one-man killing machine. Whether he's confronting national economic crises, immigration reform, corporate corruption, or a group of terrorists holding hostage the attendees of an office Christmas party at Nakatomi Plaza, Detective John McClane gets the job done with expertise, efficiency, and a maximum amount of collateral damage.

It is for these reasons that I fully support and endorse Detective John McClane for President.

Yours,
Alibaster K. Abthernabther