Thursday, January 3, 2008

I'm Livin' On The Air

Dear J.D. Freeman,

Hello and good New Year to you, sir. My name is Alibaster Abthernabther. I am a best selling author, yacht racer, hot air balloon enthusiast, recreational botanist, and loyal KDGE listener.

As you are the DFW market manager for Clear Channel Radio, I’m directly propositioning you to take over the vacant time slot that will be left behind once the immensely talented and underrated Lex and Terry duo move from the Edge to the Eagle next week. I must say that their show is a delightful and introspective part of my morning routine. Each new morn brings about another deliciously subversive and satirical take on sexual stereotypes and the deeper societal ramifications of the fairer sex’s objectification in popular media. Also, they talk about titties and snatch a lot.

To be quite honest, my own personal brand of entertainment might be a tad on the sophisticated side of the commercial radio spectrum. However I would be more than willing to compromise, combining my own urbane sensibilities with the brand of humor and on-air techniques that the average Lex and Terry listener has become so accustomed to. For example:

  • Ask former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher why she dresses like such a “prick tease.”
  • Interrupt a telephone interview with opera singer Ashley Putnam to play a quick game of “Would You Stuff Your Penis into It?”
  • Make Mother Theresa an honorary posthumous member of the “Queef Brigade.”
  • Ask Tom Wolfe why he dresses like such a “cock tickler.”
  • Find out from Meryl Streep if her lady parts look like a split peach or a sideways roast beef sandwich.
  • Daily visits from pranksters extraordinaire Garrison Keillor and the Gotcha Squad.
  • Ask Dame Judi Dench why she’s making my balls all blue by wearing that short skirt.

Alibaster Abthernabther