Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Go Puck Yourself

Dear Wolfgang Puck,

Greetings, master food preparer. My name is Alibaster K. Abthernabther, best-selling author, champion yacht racer, hot air balloon enthusiast, and marketing strategist for high-end celebuchef chain restaurants.

I am ever so excited to hear that you will be opening a new Asian-themed culinary establishment atop our very own Reunion Tower. I absolutely can't wait to be seen there. You'll find that I am a frequent face at all of the area's finest eateries. You might see me out and about, nibbling on sushi canoes at Smush, spooning up frozen cucumber sorbet at the Black Forest Ham Room, or mechanically vomiting in the V.I.P. restroom at Cafe Sashay.

As excited as I was when I heard you were opening your new restaurant here, I was anywhere from four to six times more excited to learn of the contest being held to name said establishment. I am infamously innovative with such name games, so allow me to prattle a few ideas off the top of my pretty little head...

  • Chow House
  • Stuff It In Your Eat Hole
  • The Gobbler’s Den
  • Flavor Town
  • Booger Butterfield’s Wondertime Fun-For-All
  • Fetal Eczema
  • You Will Punch Your Pregnant Wife In The Stomach, This Shit Tastes So Good
  • Hairspray: The Restaurant
  • Nostril's Bistro
  • The Filthy Sizzling Skillet
  • Angela's Ashes
  • Taste Buds Be Fuckin'
  • Eat It, Like It, Expense It

Bon Appetit!

Yours,
Alibaster K. Abthernabther