Wednesday, December 5, 2007

The Event of the Season

Dear PaperCity,

Fashionable greetings to you. My name is Alibaster Abthernabther. I am a best selling author, yacht racer, hot air balloon enthusiast, "Gallagher Too" understudy and official AVN Awards Show seat filler.

I would like to extend to you a formal invitation to the annual Holiday Gala at Abthernabther Manor. As you are probably already aware, this is the most exclusive and important social event of the year. This is where Dallas' mega-famous, ultra-mega-famous, and super-ultra-mega-famous meet, mingle, schmooze, and schmingle with the lithe ferocity of a zillion Ecstasy-riddled debutantes. Friendships are made, coalitions are formed, previously made friendships are then betrayed, coalitions are unceremoniously disbanded, all culminating in a frothy orgy of champagne-stained cocktail dresses and gin-drenched cummerbunds.

Guests will include renowned fashion designer Jean-Jacque St. Fleuff, celebrity chef Randy Castle-Court, flamethrower artist Chaka Chaka, Miami Dolphins kicker Jay Feely, pubic hair sculptor Durty LaBouche, supermodels Isabella Smirsh, Duumaz, and Jennifer Jenniferson, and the law firm of Rosenwitz, Mengele, and Rosenwitz.

This year’s theme is “Do They Know It’s Christmas? No, Of Course They Don’t. They Are Quite Poor.” Alibaster Manor’s walls will be adorned with gigantic black and white prints of impoverished third world children. Guests will be encouraged to point and laugh at their suffering. New and unwrapped toys for disadvantaged inner-city youngsters will be collected at the door and then promptly burned in a massive toxic bonfire.

This invitation is open to all PaperCity society photographers plus one guest. Cocktails, hors d’oeuvres and barbiturates will be served. Both formal evening attire and breathable swimwear are required.

Yours,
Alibaster Abthernabther