Sunday, December 2, 2007

Pretty On The Inside-Out

Dear Nu Image,

My name is Alibaster Abthernabther. I am a best selling author, temporary amnesia sufferer, and best selling author.

I was leafing through your Winter 2007 issue and was wondering if you could provide me with a referral based on a specific procedure that I have been interested in for some time. I am sure this can be done without compromising your objectivity as a member of the free press, seeing as you are not an actual magazine but a collection of advertisements for vanity practitioners masquerading as lifestyle journalism.

I would like to have a fully functional vagina grafted to the tip of my penis, then I would like this vagina to undergo laser vaginal rejuvenation, followed by a lip enhancement utilizing the new Perma Facial Implant procedure. Please let me know if there are any plastic surgeons in the Dallas-Fort Worth area who can facilitate all of this under one sterile roof.

Also, kudos on the article "Are You Overdoing It?" which offered tips and suggestions for those of us who may be abusing or over-indulging in caffeine, food, alcohol, sleep, etc. I could not help but notice that "obsessively reconstructing your natural physical traits" did not make that list, though I assume this was for good reason.

Alibaster Abthernabther