New Year's Eve Edits

"December is a slow news month" was replaced with "the bottom portion of page 18 in the recent issue of D Magazine."
Recent lull in interweb log posts due to "long hours of charity work at local children's hospitals" was originally and more factually attributed to "days upon days spent playing Cello Hero III: Masters of Chamber Music."
All references to Jaleel White were removed.
The lyrics to "Auld Lang Syne" were replaced with those of Digital Underground's "The Humpty Dance."
"Humorless, self-important dick whittler" was changed to "Gary Cogill."

From the desk of
Alibaster K. Abthernabther