Dear Mr. Schutze,
You will have to excuse my tardiness. I have been meaning to write you this week but decided to allow for a few days of rest while you resuscitate your deliciously cantankerous ire. Please accept my belated congratulations for your furious, if somewhat futile rabblerousing in opposition of the
By all accounts the margin of victory would have been far greater had it not been for you and your feverish desire to keep my fellow
Tooth and nail, tongue in cheek, you have been fighting the establishment’s plan to put a toll road next to the river walk (or are they putting a river in the toll road? Wait. Aren’t they putting a park in the river? I’ve already forgotten.) for a long, long, long, long time. I believe you started tackling the issue back in 1953, just as our boys were returning from
- Read A River Runs Through It and Other Stories by Norman Maclean.
- Surf the Internet. Inevitably end up masturbating.
- Watch Blade: Trinity starring Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson and the incomparable Ryan Reynolds.
- Sit on your hand until it falls asleep then masturbate and pretend it’s someone else giving you a sloppy handjob.