Dear Dr. William Boothe,
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Alibaster Abthernabther and I am a world champion yacht racer, hot air balloon enthusiast, best selling taste maker, recovering fluoride addict and recent lasik eye surgery patient.
I was in your office earlier this month to have some refractive laser eye surgery performed upon my physiological oculars. At first I assumed the procedure was a glowing success. After the initial period of painful blurriness and nightmarish disorientation, my vision became cleaner, clearer and more sharply focused, all of which means exactly the same thing: I could sees more betters.
However, within a few days I began experiencing feverish hallucinatory visions of a post apocalyptic horrorscape. That is, whenever I close my eyes I see nothing but random scenes from the late 80's sitcom My Two Dads.
I'm not exactly sure how you managed this, Dr. Boothe but it must stop at once. Expect to be contacted by my attorneys within the week.