That Our Flag Was Still There

Dear Congressman Louie Gohmert,

Hello, good sir. My name is Alibaster Abthernabther. I am a best selling author, yacht racer, hot air balloon enthusiast, proud Texan and American hero.

I am writing to you regarding a special order for a United States flag that has been flown over the U.S. Capitol. I understand that it is in fact every American’s right to purchase such a flag at cost so long as it is procured through the appropriate local congressman or senator and cared for in a proper manner.

Unfortunately I am not a resident of your district. However, I was hoping you could make an exception as I plan to acquire this flag not for myself, but for a gay resident of your district. It could be any gay member of your community; I’m really not that particular. I would just like a homosexual who resides in your district to officially receive a Capitol flag through your office. And then I would like them to have gay sex with that flag.

To reiterate, I would like a flag that is the same sex as the homosexual in your district who would be receiving it so that this recipient could then have lots and lots of gay sex with it. I appreciate your immediate attention to this matter.

Yours,
Alibaster Abthernabther