Dear Dallas City Council,
Good day to you. I am Alibaster Abthernabther, best selling author, yacht racer, hot air balloon enthusiast, web log history revisionist, and concerned member of the fashionista.
I am writing to you regarding your recent campaign to encourage youngsters to pull up their pants. As it has been so eloquently expressed in song, this issue is not about gang activity or common hygienic courtesy but the style of baggy pants being inherently "rude, not cool" because you're "walking around showin' your behind to other dudes."
Kudos to you for associating this brilliant campaign with a local Christian rapper who so effortlessly compares the evils of homosexuality with the evils of descended pantaloons in his lyrics. This is a historic partnership not seen since the White House teamed up with TLC to promote the Clinton administration’s “No Scrubs” agenda.